This has been a tough week. I haven’t been around much… any where. Not here, Facebook, Twitter, Second Life. Though I haven’t been completely unplugged, I haven’t been on much either.

A good friend passed away last Friday; Good Friday. It was a complete shock and, yet again, I was reminded of how short life really is and how we have to make the most of the time we are given.

A little story about my friend to give you an idea of why I’m out of sorts. She was only 46 years old. We worked together for 2 years, then again for 2 months. She was a very nice, albeit it very nervous, person. And her death seemed to be under “mysterious circumstances”… at least to me. She was found at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious, and they (her Eagle Scout son, then the paramedics) were unable to revive her. She was living in the same house with her two children and her ex-husband.

Yes, her EX-husband. <sigh>

The first job we worked together, I remember twice she was missing from work unaccountably. The first time was extremely early in my days at the company, so I thought it was just an illness as she said. The second time was round after round of illness (herself, her kids, herself again, her parents) and she was let go from work. I felt those measures were a little harsh, but she had missed 3 weeks of work with all contact starting with our boss.

I then heard from her off and on for the next couple of years. She never could find a job she could stay in for very long, though she was an excellent bookkeeper. Then a position came open at the new company I was working for. I suggested her for the job, which she was able to land with no problem whatsoever. During her short stay at this job, I found out she had gotten a divorce, and the problems which arose from those proceedings were what lost her the job at the first company we worked for.

Then she mentioned she was still living in the same house with the man she had divorced. ?!?! Paying him rent to live there. Presumably it was for the kids (15 & 18, now), but still. And then to find out the daughter was siding with the father and was constantly at odds with her. It just sounds terrible. And after a couple of weeks, there were phone calls from the ex, “checking up on her to make sure she was actually working”.

Then she got sick, and missed a few days of work. And one of the kids got sick from her and she had to stay home. Then the water heater went out and the ex wouldn’t take care of it and she had to stay home to meet the plumber. Then her mother got sick and she went to Pennsylvania to care for her. All the time the phone calls were initiated by her boss, asking where she was, would she be coming in today? And I called a time or two to see what was going on, but she wouldn’t talk to me. She was given till after the holidays to get everything squared away and come back fresh, but “she didn’t make it back from Pennsylvania in time.” She was let go.

I understood why we had to let her go. She wasn’t coming in. She wasn’t communicating with anyone. She wasn’t doing her job. So I called her to find out what was happening. She never returned a call. I don’t know if she was embarassed because I had suggested her and it didn’t work out? If she was mad that she was let go? I just don’t know. She finally called her boss for a reference, but that was all. So then I got mad. Why wouldn’t she call me back? I stopped trying. I missed calling on her birthday.

Then I find out she’s dead.

That and the way it happened were stressful enough, but then talking with her parents threw a whole new bright, ugly light on things.

She JUST told her parents a month ago she had gotten a divorce. She’s been divorced since midway through 2008. She begged her parents not to tell his parents.

Let me repeat that… she didn’t want his parents to be told, because he didn’t want his parents to know. WTF???????

The whole “sick, kids sick, mother sick” spiel was not true. She never went to Pennsylvania to visit a sick mother. She told her parents she was working too hard to come up. Her mother even said, “He really messed her up, bad.”

So now I wonder, what did I miss??? I’m pretty sure there was emotional abuse going on, but the periods of missing work, were those times it became physical? And why didn’t she let anyone in? Family, friends, anyone?

So I apologize I haven’t been around. But I won’t apologize for why. I’ve been mourning a friend. And I wish there was something I could have done to help her.

If you are ever in a situation like this… PLEASE allow someone to help you.

Should be sleeping. I’m tired enough. You would think I would be. I haven’t been Facebooking much lately and Twitter seems to be down for “unscheduled maintenance”. But what am I doing?

Checking out Second Life.

?!?

Like I need another time waster in my life.

I’m in a pub in Dublin with crazy looking peeps (crazy in a great way, mind you), dancing and gyrating, but I can’t figure out how to do anything and I can’t hear the music. Gah!

It unfortunately appears I need money to buy things, or do things. I tried to get a pint and the barkeep asked for two Euros. Hell, I don’t even have two dollars!

Oh, well. It appears I’ll have to do some hunting around to figure this out. Let the time drain begin.

So, I was telling my father how the Ultram I have taken for the past few days for my “female” pain did nothing for the pain and made me feel the same way Codeine does, groggy, light-headed, and generally like crap. And that the pharmacist warned me that, since I have allergies to Codeine I could have the same reaction to the Ultram. He looked at me, put a finger up (meaning wait a minute), walked to his mountain of pill bottles and handed me a bottle saying, “Here, try this. It should help.”

It was a bottle of Percocet, or should I say the generic version of it, Oxycodone.

Me: “I can’t take this.”
Him: “Why not?”
Me: “I’m allergic to Codeine?!?!”
Him: “That has Codeine in it?”
Me: “?!?!”
Him: “Huh, I didn’t know that.”

<–>

I haven’t been around much over the past few months. It appears pre-baseball season is an extremely busy time for me at work. Meaning I’m on the computer staring at images and copy all day long and don’t want to do it when I get home.

And you can’t make me.

But I was under the impression that, as baseball season gets under way, my work would slow down a little and I wouldn’t be quite so busy. And that appears to have changed. I am picking up the same number of projects as I am completing, making me just as busy.

I want to be here as well, though. So I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and make an effort to be here, too.

Sorry I haven’t been visiting, or talking. I’ll start making a concerted effort to come around more often.

Boy, have I been lazy when it comes to my online projects.

When I upgraded WordPress here on this site, I completely lost my CSS. Don’t know where it went or why. And can’t find my copy. BUT, I had planned on revamping the site anyway, and have already designed it. So why is the site still messed up?

Laziness.

The other site I’ve been working on is hubby’s. Chef Sizzle is his chef website. Granted, he has left chef-dom for the Navy, he is still proud of his previous career (as he should be) and wants to show it off. And he can’t turn off all that knowledge and still likes to review new dining places we find. So that can be his little side thing. But I need to finish it. Especially when he does things like tell the Chief Petty Officer at a special luncheon celebration all about his site. <sigh> No, it’s not completed. Why?

Laziness.

Well, that stops. Over the next few days, I will become less lazy. I will work on the two sites and make them better. I will put together my goals and to-do lists and begin methodically crossing off items. You’ll see. No more procrastination around here.

But I’ll start later.

My birthday was yesterday. I was too busy/sleepy to visit and post, so I apologize for not being timely. Not to mention, this has been a strange birthday. At least for me.

I usually associate birthday wierdness with specific years…

• 18 - adult
• 21 - drinking
• 30 - so long youth
• 40 - insert wierdness
• 50 - etc.
• 60 - etc.

So imagine my confusion when, at 42, I appear to be having a mid-life crisis, albeit a “light” version. Shouldn’t I have had this at 40? Or waited until 50? What’s so magical about 42? There are, of course, the anxious thoughts of “What have I done with my life?” or “Why didn’t I ever…?” But this is different.

I call it a “light” version because it’s not like I want a $150,000 car or to run away with a cabana boy or the circus. I just want a new tattoo, and/or to pierce my nose, and/or to put a few little dreadlocks in my hair and change the color. Nothing major or earth shattering, but I can’t take my mind off it.

Luckily, I work in a creative profession where I “could” do these things as long as I keep them tasteful. But I’ve always been the girl who is safe. I never acted out when I was younger (which is probably why I want to now.) And hubby has all but forbidden me to get my nose pierced, so that’s the one I really want to do. He feels it’s unprofessional.

I don’t know. I keep thinking, “I’m 42. Too old to do these things. Need to act mature and grown up and “proper” (whatever that is). I’m not in my 20’s anymore. Act my age.” But who’s to say you can’t do these things at 42? Am I too old? Age is only a number after all. And some days I don’t feel my age. Most days I don’t. I often feel 25. I sometimes feel 80. But I’m not dead. And I like to think I’m still a little cool, though it may be in a geeky way. So why not have a little fun? It doesn’t hurt anyone. And all of the things I want to do are reversable if needed (the tattoo would be a little painful to remove, but still).

So, here I am. Still feeling like I did when I was a kid. And will probably ignore my wants as usual. But, hey! at least everyone else will be happy. Right?

I am in the process of change around here. It is a new year and hopefully a new me will come forth. (Though the old me isn’t so bad. Just a few little adjustments here and there.)

Obvious change - I upgraded my WordPress. And unfortunately lost my design. I had to revert to the old one. But this is okay. I have a brand new design waiting in the wings. It will be up soon.

I will also be working more on Sailor Hubby’s “Chef” site. He still wants to have it up. So I guess I will be updating it soon as well.

And last (for this post), but certainly not least, I am taking a more hands on interest in my health and well being. I have started dieting and exercising. Back on December 3rd I told you about DCUrbanDad’s Fitness Challenge. And I sucked. I didn’t post anything. Sorry. But I have lost about 15 pounds since just before Thanksgiving. I also didn’t win the challenge, but I did win a slightly healthier me. I upped my exercise to 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week. I now eat 2 pieces of fresh fruit per day and a salad at both lunch and dinner. I have mostly cut out sweets (but since Christmas, when I received A TON of sweets [thanks Dad] I’ve been eating more than I should). I’ve noticed my clothes fitting looser and a decline in the huffing and puffing when exerting myself. So those are good things.

And I also earned a Fitness Challenge booby prize. Enjoy it with me, won’t you? Thanks Matt! and congratulations SeriouslyMama! I look forward to the next Challenge.

bighairynotwinners

Munchkin and I spent New Year’s Eve in a Ramada Limited in Meridian, MS. We had to have Sailor Hubby back to base by midnight. Rather than getting right back on the road to come home, we decided it would probably be safer all around to stay in the lovely town of Meridian.

Hmmmm.

With the exception of the scary dude knocking on the door around 11:45, it was a fairly uneventful night. (Luckily he just had the wrong room.) No different than other NYE’s spent watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rocking Eve and eating junk food.

Now we are home. And after driving for about 11 hours in two days, I’m pretty pooped.

New Year’s has never been something we’ve been real big on celebrating anyway, so spending it in this manner was fine. I think I will go finish the dishes, put on some cozy jammies, and climb into bed with one of my books I got for Yule.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. Watch for my resolutions to pop up soon.

Hubby becomes a sailor this morning! Actually, he called Tuesday afternoon to let me know he passed all his tests, physical, mental and academic, and was officially a sailor then. Woohoo! Today is the graduation ceremony. FUN!

(plus we get to visit with him for a couple of hours!!!)

But getting here was quite trying.

My darling Da has traveled with us to watch his son-in-law graduate. And I thought yesterday was going to go so well. He was on-time and ready to go when I got to his house to pick him up in the morning. (a FREAKING miracle) The number of driving suggestions were held to a minimum. Finding a parking space wasn’t so bad. It took three tries to check his bag (couldn’t carry on a bag with 6 oz. hair gel, 12 oz. hairspray and a lighter. Ugh) He hip-checked me out of the way in the security checkpoint, then left us while we were putting our bags back together. Still not so bad. Okay, getting a little iffy. We had over an hour to get a mid-morning snack while we waited (the gate was the first one, right next to the snack area, after all). Then Da goes for a cigarette. With 30 minutes before the flight leaves. Yep, during the time we should be checking in, he leaves for a cigarette. A freaking 30 minute cigarette! Munchkin says, “It’s 10:45. Isn’t the plane supposed to leave at 11:oo?”

Shit!

Phone call to Da. No answer. Dammit. Grab his crap and head to the gate. Which is literally right next to the snack area. Except they changed the gate. Find someone who works in the airport.

“Excuse me. Where is the closest smoking area?”

“Halfway down the terminal.”

“Munchkin, leave your stuff here and run down to the smoking area to get Umpa.”
[phone call] “Did you find Umpa?” “No, he’s not here.” “Okay, come back quick.”

Dammit!

Phone call to Da. No answer.

Get to the gate.

“Are you the ‘Late Family’?” “Why yes. Yes we are. And we are missing Da.”

“Oh yes, I see his name here. You have 3 minutes before we leave.”

DAMMIT!

“What if we miss this flight?”

“You can get on a later flight for $50 per ticket.”

GAH!

Phone call to Da. Sweet mother, he answers.

“Where the hell are you?”

“I’m on my way.”

“They are leaving in 1 minute.”

“I’m almost there.”

“Okay, we’re checking in. Can you wait one more minute?”

“Yes, go ahead.”

Oh, thank the gods.

Yeah. The looks you get from the rest of the plane as you quickly try to walk to the last row with all your shit? After making the plane leave the gate late? Daggers would have felt better.

<sigh>

Blessed sitting. Nofurther schedules to fuck up. Ahhhh.

Easy flight. No turbulence. Begin descent to Chicago… and cue screaming baby. (Goddess, thank you for giving me such an even tempered child!) The poor father could not control this poor boy. Screaming, kicking, biting, pulling hair. Gods! He was awful. And where was the mother? Sitting across the aisle saying, “I can’t do anything.” And when she does “try to do something”, her hands were on the poor kid for 5 seconds. And she hands him back to the father saying, “I can’t deal with this.”

So what do they do with him? Put him in the middle of the aisle, while we are landing. Yep… buckle your seatbelts, seats in the upright positions, tray tables stowed and locked. Please put your small screaming children in the middle of the aisle.

?!?!?!

The flight attendant freaked! She unbuckled herself, came up, and told the parents the child couldn’t sit there. They made NO MOVE TO PICK HIM UP. And dear mom? She says, “You deal with him, we can’t” and laughs.

?!?!?!

So flight attendant picked him up and put him in a seat on the opposite side of the aisle. SCREAMING!!!!!!!!

The parents finally took him and put him on the floor by their feet.

<sigh>

We finally make it to the hotel. Check in. And find out, Hey there’s a blizzard coming folks. 6 - 14 inches between tonight and when you should be checking out tomorrow.

<grin>

<GRRRR>

Ah, but Munchkin is beside himself. For a Southern child, he feels he has hit the snow day jackpot.

Well, I should be getting ready for the graduation. I’ll have to tell you later about the dining debacle last night. And I’m sure I’ll have more traveling hijinks after today’s attempt to travel back home in a Chicago blizzard.

<sigh>

So we’re in Chicago. No sites to see, but a Hubby siting is more than enough reason for me to be here.

Should we still celebrate? It’s certainly a bittersweet day. The day of your birth. You just can’t be here to take part. It should still be recognized, I feel. Even if it is in my own way.

I talk to you a lot. I don’t know if you know. I’d like to think you do. I wonder often, “What would Mom do now? What would she say? Would she have done the same thing?” I haven’t dreamed about you in a long time. I think I’ve really only had one or two dreams about you. But I have daily reminders here. Constant reminders. Your wedding set, your urn, your face staring back from the mirror. Good reminders, save for the urn.

I really miss you. I wish you could have stayed a little while longer. We really could do with some Mom advice. The Mom filter and guide are truly missed on the home front. Just having you around to talk with every once in awhile would be nice. Seeing K graduate from Princeton and go on to become a doctor. You’d be so very proud of her. I am. I think I’ve finally found my own niche. It’s not music, which I’m sure is a disappointment, but it is creative and it is in food and beverage and I love it. And Munchkin is growing up. He’s smart, but lazy academically. I know you would have some words of wisdom there.

God, there are so many things to tell you. I wonder if you know? I don’t know how to put words to them. I don’t even know why I’m writing this post. But I wanted to remember you on your day. So here I sit, in front of the monitor, near midnight at the end of your day. After manically cleaning the house, thinking of you, talking with K, a brief talk with Da and an email with The Aunt.

I relax here now with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Now the tears come. Now I quietly celebrate you.