Heartbroken
I’m trying to be strong, especially for the Munchkin. But I have to confess… I’m heartbroken.
Seeing the Munchkin so sad. Watching the dogs mope around, looking for their master. It all may end up being too much for me. I’ve broken down twice, just for a moment or two. Then I notice the Munchkin watching me. He bravely puts on his watery smile and says, “It’s OK, you can cry.” Then I suck it up and wait for a quiet, kid free moment to break down again.
The hardest is in bed. Knowing he won’t be coming up any time soon. 9 weeks to be exact. Knowing I can’t talk to him everyday. He’s not just downstairs watching football, or Entourage, or True Blood. He won’t be playing tug-of-war with Gus for the socks. He won’t be sneaking snacks to Scrappy. He won’t be playing basketball with Munchkin, or pommeling me in Wordscraper.
No, he’s in Great Lakes, IL freezing his ass off. He’s becoming a US Sailor. He’s getting his ass chewed by someone who doesn’t know him, for no good reason but to break him down and rebuild him better, stronger, more reliable. To serve his country, start a new career, do something for himself. He signed up for this. No one made him. He did it to himself.
And to me, and to the Munchkin.
But as much as possible I’ll be hiding the tears. Anxiously awaiting the point where he can call. Watching the mail for the promised weekly missives home. Writing my own upbeat letters, not mentioning the crying jags, the lethargic and confused pets, the mountain of work it takes to care for a family when one of its members is far away, the sad little boy.
If you don’t mind, I’ll use your shoulder to cry on. I’ll rant and rave, pour tears, complain. I’ll let it all out here. Because I know it’s not good to keep it all inside.
So thank you. I appreciate your soft, strong shoulder. The time you lovingly give me. Thank you for being my crutch, always, but especially until my strong shouldered sailor boy man comes back home.
Awwwww *big hugs*
Come and cry on my shoulder ANYTIME Colleen!
Oh, and please tell your husband THANK YOU from everyone here at Casa Barking Mad. I know it doesn’t make it any easier on you, but tell him we appreciate this sacrifice he’s making, and the sacrifice YOU are making.