This has been a tough week. I haven’t been around much… any where. Not here, Facebook, Twitter, Second Life. Though I haven’t been completely unplugged, I haven’t been on much either.
A good friend passed away last Friday; Good Friday. It was a complete shock and, yet again, I was reminded of how short life really is and how we have to make the most of the time we are given.
A little story about my friend to give you an idea of why I’m out of sorts. She was only 46 years old. We worked together for 2 years, then again for 2 months. She was a very nice, albeit it very nervous, person. And her death seemed to be under “mysterious circumstances”… at least to me. She was found at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious, and they (her Eagle Scout son, then the paramedics) were unable to revive her. She was living in the same house with her two children and her ex-husband.
Yes, her EX-husband. <sigh>
The first job we worked together, I remember twice she was missing from work unaccountably. The first time was extremely early in my days at the company, so I thought it was just an illness as she said. The second time was round after round of illness (herself, her kids, herself again, her parents) and she was let go from work. I felt those measures were a little harsh, but she had missed 3 weeks of work with all contact starting with our boss.
I then heard from her off and on for the next couple of years. She never could find a job she could stay in for very long, though she was an excellent bookkeeper. Then a position came open at the new company I was working for. I suggested her for the job, which she was able to land with no problem whatsoever. During her short stay at this job, I found out she had gotten a divorce, and the problems which arose from those proceedings were what lost her the job at the first company we worked for.
Then she mentioned she was still living in the same house with the man she had divorced. ?!?! Paying him rent to live there. Presumably it was for the kids (15 & 18, now), but still. And then to find out the daughter was siding with the father and was constantly at odds with her. It just sounds terrible. And after a couple of weeks, there were phone calls from the ex, “checking up on her to make sure she was actually working”.
Then she got sick, and missed a few days of work. And one of the kids got sick from her and she had to stay home. Then the water heater went out and the ex wouldn’t take care of it and she had to stay home to meet the plumber. Then her mother got sick and she went to Pennsylvania to care for her. All the time the phone calls were initiated by her boss, asking where she was, would she be coming in today? And I called a time or two to see what was going on, but she wouldn’t talk to me. She was given till after the holidays to get everything squared away and come back fresh, but “she didn’t make it back from Pennsylvania in time.” She was let go.
I understood why we had to let her go. She wasn’t coming in. She wasn’t communicating with anyone. She wasn’t doing her job. So I called her to find out what was happening. She never returned a call. I don’t know if she was embarassed because I had suggested her and it didn’t work out? If she was mad that she was let go? I just don’t know. She finally called her boss for a reference, but that was all. So then I got mad. Why wouldn’t she call me back? I stopped trying. I missed calling on her birthday.
Then I find out she’s dead.
That and the way it happened were stressful enough, but then talking with her parents threw a whole new bright, ugly light on things.
She JUST told her parents a month ago she had gotten a divorce. She’s been divorced since midway through 2008. She begged her parents not to tell his parents.
Let me repeat that… she didn’t want his parents to be told, because he didn’t want his parents to know. WTF???????
The whole “sick, kids sick, mother sick” spiel was not true. She never went to Pennsylvania to visit a sick mother. She told her parents she was working too hard to come up. Her mother even said, “He really messed her up, bad.”
So now I wonder, what did I miss??? I’m pretty sure there was emotional abuse going on, but the periods of missing work, were those times it became physical? And why didn’t she let anyone in? Family, friends, anyone?
So I apologize I haven’t been around. But I won’t apologize for why. I’ve been mourning a friend. And I wish there was something I could have done to help her.
If you are ever in a situation like this… PLEASE allow someone to help you.