Well, they aren’t people I actually roll with. Just people who’s blogs I read pretty much daily. I’d like to get to know them. They seem pretty cool. Crazy and wacky, but cool. The type of people who would do anything to bolster your spirits, but don’t have a problem with telling you to quit whining and get over yourself.

I admit these are mostly the blogs that put me in the state of “what the hell am I doing?” kind of writer’s block I’ve had for the past few weeks. They write well, they are amusing, and they seem to have a great time doing it. I’m jealous. I want that as well. So what’s stopping me? Me. I am. Well, I just need to get over myself.

It’s funny. I sat down to write a post tonight. Not manage the blogroll. I still can’t remember what it was about, but it was so clear in my mind when I first sat down. Then I logged in and saw I had comments to moderate. As I went through and deleted out all the spam comments I received, I was thinking, “God, how depressing. All I get are spam comments.” Then, lo and behold, there was a real comment. From a real person. Someone I know!!! I got all stupid and girly and giggly. I told Hubby, and he just looked at me. Oh, well.

Anyway… Hi, Keith! Thanks for the comment! Hope all’s well back in O-town! Hug the Palms for me…

So my internal soundtrack has been skipping days. I think I know why. Usually there is no sound in the mornings when I get up. With the exception of the K-9 units needing to go out and the softly snoring hubby and offspring, that is. But for the past few weeks I’ve had some kind of radio or music already going in the bedroom or kitchen. So I can’t usually hear what is playing in my own head.

Therefore, for the past two weeks I have only had these songs:

1. Red Hot Chili Peppers – By the Way
2. Natalie Merchant – Carnival
3. Pearl Jam – Better Man

I’m thinking it’s time to start writing down the rest of my soundtrack if I’m going to make this post work…. We’ll see.

I haven’t written in a week for a variety of reasons:

1. Too much to write about
2. Don’t know where to start
3. Frustrated that the stupid column to the right won’t format correctly
4. Reading other websites and want to do more with this…
5. but don’t know what “direction” to take this blog in

I know not many people are reading this yet. And that’s fine. But I want that to change. So I need to figure out my direction. My reason for doing this. It’s to get things off my mind, sort of. My own personal therapy kind of thing. But I want it to be more.

If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to write to me. I’ll be more verbose over the next few days. I have to get some of this out. So I apologize ahead of time for the brain regurg you’ll be experiencing.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I am working on a redesign of this site. I wanted another column over there to the right for advertisements and other announcements (like what I’m reading or watching). Overall it will still have the same feel, just more stuff.

Please let me know if you notice anything has broken or if you find it difficult to read.

Thanks!

Ever wonder where a bout of self-consciousnes and low self-esteem may com from? Think about the messages we receive daily from those we love and who love us. Those messages which are meant to “guide us” to betterment.

I received one such message yesterday afternoon from none other than my own father. “That’s a nice dress, honey. Too bad the colors are all wrong for you.”

WTF?!?!

The past thirty days have been a roller coaster of old friends and memories. I thought when I first moved back “home” four years ago after twelve years away, joining and working for my high school alumni society for two years, I would reconnect with all my old friends. I helped the class president contact classmates for the “20 Year Reunion”. I reconnected with my BFF since second grade, then I went to the reunion.

And remembered why I hadn’t remained friends with the Class of ’85.

I still have fond memories of some of the people I hung out with. And I still visit with those who are on Facebook (a decidedly small percentage, thank whichever god you choose.) But many of those I saw three years ago? Still douchebags. You know that Springsteen song, “Glory Days“? Yeah, imagine pictures of offspring dressed in our high school’s cheerleading outfits, or football outfits. Ugh.

Now, you may be thinking, “You’re just a jealous band geek no one ever hung out with.” And to a certain extent, you would be right. I was a band geek, and proud of it. I was on the color guard (captain two years). I was on the newspaper staff. I always worked with the musicals the drama club would put on.

But it was so much worse.

You see, my father was the assistant principal in charge of discipline at my high school. Held that position for seven years before I attended the same school. Picture, if you will, Jim Belushi in “The Principal” and you have an idea of what my dad was. An ex-Marine with a plexi-glass paddle walking the halls of my high school. In those days corporal punishment was still allowed. My first date? Dad set me up with one of his office assistants for the Sadie Hawkins dance because every guy I asked ran screaming in the other direction. EMBARRASSING!!! (Please note, my high school was NOT like the high school in the movie.)

By my sophomore year, Dad was promoted to the Central Office, head of transportation. Alas, the damage had been done. Everyone thought I was a narc by then and the guys were still terrified. And though most of the time people were decent to me, I was neither “Old Town Money” nor “Cool” enough to spend more than a few minutes of school time with. My BFF from second grade? We were always on again/off again. Depending on which way the “cool kids” wind was blowing. (She apologized for that last year and thanked me for always being there for her, though she wasn’t for me. For both high school and college. God I was a sucker back then. But all is forgiven.)

I don’t tell you any of this because I am angry or upset or harbor any real animosity towards any of these people. It’s just interesting to see who comes out of the woodwork in times of reminiscing. Here are a few from the past 30 days:

• Thirteen from high school (two “old money”, none “cool”)
• Four from college (college was so much worse, but we won’t go there tonight)
• Fourteen from various jobs over the years
• Six friends. (not school relations, not work relations, just friends)

Later this week I’ll share my visits with you. It was great to meet up with some of these people, see where they are after all this time. Especially the college friends I found (hi Lynne and Alisa!!!) I am so happy I found these people, again.

Sorry to ramble. If you made it through, thanks! I’m not always filled with this much baggage, but we all have it. You may as well enjoy some of mine!

Here is the September calendar page. The tree is one of the maples outside our offices at work. I was so glad I took the picture when I did as the following day most of the leaves had already fallen.

Munchkin is a fan of all things magic. Not only is he a huge fan of Potter, he loves illusions. Cris Angel is a particular favorite. Mindfreak is actually on the TiVo.

He’s been bugging me for weeks to go to Eddie’s Trickshop, so today I finally gave in and took him. Thirty bucks later and we now have 2 illusions -

and the ability to make just about any small item levitate. I’ll be watching tricks forever!

If I ever get a working camcorder again, I’ll post his progress. He’s actually getting pretty good!

Typical.

I come up with an idea for recurring weekly posts, and the second in the “series” is a big, glorious flop.

I tell you I have songs dancing through my head, changing just about daily, and this past week I have one. Just one measly song. What is that all about? Did my inner soundtrack decide, “Oh, let’s just take a week or so off. No need to oblige SINCE SHE DECIDED TO WRITE ABOUT IT!!!”

So, the song for the week (which incidentally is still dancing around up there like a midget, schizophrenic, catatonic clown) is The Fray’s “How to Save a Life“. For some reason it always reminds me of the 80′s teen movie “Last American Virgin”. Go figure.

What is your inner clown dancing to these days?

I was futzing around on Facebook again last night (surprise) when one of my friends logged in and added his new status. He was on pandora.com. Hmmm, I wonder what pandora.com is?

Because I have an insatiable curiosity when it comes to websites people enjoy and visit and mention (ie Woot), I had to go take a look.

It’s FANTASTIC!!!! Type in an artist, band or song and the site comes back with not only that artist, band or song, but other tunes that are similar, then plays them for you. It’s like a radio station based solely on what you want to listen to right then.

And you can make as many “stations” as you want. Fitting any mood. You can see what your friends are listening to or check out what other people are into or even share the stations you’ve built.

I am so totally in love with this site. It’s all I talked about this morning at work. I got one person completely hooked already and hope to spread the love.

There is a free version with advertising or you can pay a low yearly subscription for no adverstising. There is even a mobile version. So if you are so inclined you can put it on your iPhone or other mobile phone. Unfortunately it is not available outside the US at this time. Hopefully soon.

Go check it out, pandora.com. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.