In order to get myself back in the swing of things, I’ve signed up for NaBloPoMo. Now, November is the actual month set aside for this project, but you can try it at anytime. Therefore, to hold myself accountable, I have added my site to the blogroll.

I can’t promise that every post will be witty, fun, heart wrenching, or anything at all interesting to you, but it will get me back in the saddle of the blogosphere.

After all, as much as I love social media, I should be doing it much more.

Every year at this time I come back to my blog/journal saying, “I am going to do this again.” And every year I make it for a few weeks then drop for a month or so… go a couple of days… drop for a few weeks… and so on, ad infinitum. But I hope this year will be different. I have a few days to get myself prepared, then I will start on the 1st.

So, Happy New Year’s Resolution planning… maybe I’ll see you on the other side.

I’m working my way back to blogging. I’ve been avoiding it for a while. No good reason, just haven’t been up to it lately. I’ve had plenty of fodder, just no heart.

But the heart is coming back around. I’ll be here again soon. I just hope I can remember the fodder.

This has been a tough week. I haven’t been around much… any where. Not here, Facebook, Twitter, Second Life. Though I haven’t been completely unplugged, I haven’t been on much either.

A good friend passed away last Friday; Good Friday. It was a complete shock and, yet again, I was reminded of how short life really is and how we have to make the most of the time we are given.

A little story about my friend to give you an idea of why I’m out of sorts. She was only 46 years old. We worked together for 2 years, then again for 2 months. She was a very nice, albeit it very nervous, person. And her death seemed to be under “mysterious circumstances”… at least to me. She was found at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious, and they (her Eagle Scout son, then the paramedics) were unable to revive her. She was living in the same house with her two children and her ex-husband.

Yes, her EX-husband. <sigh>

The first job we worked together, I remember twice she was missing from work unaccountably. The first time was extremely early in my days at the company, so I thought it was just an illness as she said. The second time was round after round of illness (herself, her kids, herself again, her parents) and she was let go from work. I felt those measures were a little harsh, but she had missed 3 weeks of work with all contact starting with our boss.

I then heard from her off and on for the next couple of years. She never could find a job she could stay in for very long, though she was an excellent bookkeeper. Then a position came open at the new company I was working for. I suggested her for the job, which she was able to land with no problem whatsoever. During her short stay at this job, I found out she had gotten a divorce, and the problems which arose from those proceedings were what lost her the job at the first company we worked for.

Then she mentioned she was still living in the same house with the man she had divorced. ?!?! Paying him rent to live there. Presumably it was for the kids (15 & 18, now), but still. And then to find out the daughter was siding with the father and was constantly at odds with her. It just sounds terrible. And after a couple of weeks, there were phone calls from the ex, “checking up on her to make sure she was actually working”.

Then she got sick, and missed a few days of work. And one of the kids got sick from her and she had to stay home. Then the water heater went out and the ex wouldn’t take care of it and she had to stay home to meet the plumber. Then her mother got sick and she went to Pennsylvania to care for her. All the time the phone calls were initiated by her boss, asking where she was, would she be coming in today? And I called a time or two to see what was going on, but she wouldn’t talk to me. She was given till after the holidays to get everything squared away and come back fresh, but “she didn’t make it back from Pennsylvania in time.” She was let go.

I understood why we had to let her go. She wasn’t coming in. She wasn’t communicating with anyone. She wasn’t doing her job. So I called her to find out what was happening. She never returned a call. I don’t know if she was embarassed because I had suggested her and it didn’t work out? If she was mad that she was let go? I just don’t know. She finally called her boss for a reference, but that was all. So then I got mad. Why wouldn’t she call me back? I stopped trying. I missed calling on her birthday.

Then I find out she’s dead.

That and the way it happened were stressful enough, but then talking with her parents threw a whole new bright, ugly light on things.

She JUST told her parents a month ago she had gotten a divorce. She’s been divorced since midway through 2008. She begged her parents not to tell his parents.

Let me repeat that… she didn’t want his parents to be told, because he didn’t want his parents to know. WTF???????

The whole “sick, kids sick, mother sick” spiel was not true. She never went to Pennsylvania to visit a sick mother. She told her parents she was working too hard to come up. Her mother even said, “He really messed her up, bad.”

So now I wonder, what did I miss??? I’m pretty sure there was emotional abuse going on, but the periods of missing work, were those times it became physical? And why didn’t she let anyone in? Family, friends, anyone?

So I apologize I haven’t been around. But I won’t apologize for why. I’ve been mourning a friend. And I wish there was something I could have done to help her.

If you are ever in a situation like this… PLEASE allow someone to help you.

Should be sleeping. I’m tired enough. You would think I would be. I haven’t been Facebooking much lately and Twitter seems to be down for “unscheduled maintenance”. But what am I doing?

Checking out Second Life.

?!?

Like I need another time waster in my life.

I’m in a pub in Dublin with crazy looking peeps (crazy in a great way, mind you), dancing and gyrating, but I can’t figure out how to do anything and I can’t hear the music. Gah!

It unfortunately appears I need money to buy things, or do things. I tried to get a pint and the barkeep asked for two Euros. Hell, I don’t even have two dollars!

Oh, well. It appears I’ll have to do some hunting around to figure this out. Let the time drain begin.

So, I was telling my father how the Ultram I have taken for the past few days for my “female” pain did nothing for the pain and made me feel the same way Codeine does, groggy, light-headed, and generally like crap. And that the pharmacist warned me that, since I have allergies to Codeine I could have the same reaction to the Ultram. He looked at me, put a finger up (meaning wait a minute), walked to his mountain of pill bottles and handed me a bottle saying, “Here, try this. It should help.”

It was a bottle of Percocet, or should I say the generic version of it, Oxycodone.

Me: “I can’t take this.”
Him: “Why not?”
Me: “I’m allergic to Codeine?!?!”
Him: “That has Codeine in it?”
Me: “?!?!”
Him: “Huh, I didn’t know that.”

<–>

I haven’t been around much over the past few months. It appears pre-baseball season is an extremely busy time for me at work. Meaning I’m on the computer staring at images and copy all day long and don’t want to do it when I get home.

And you can’t make me.

But I was under the impression that, as baseball season gets under way, my work would slow down a little and I wouldn’t be quite so busy. And that appears to have changed. I am picking up the same number of projects as I am completing, making me just as busy.

I want to be here as well, though. So I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and make an effort to be here, too.

Sorry I haven’t been visiting, or talking. I’ll start making a concerted effort to come around more often.

Boy, have I been lazy when it comes to my online projects.

When I upgraded WordPress here on this site, I completely lost my CSS. Don’t know where it went or why. And can’t find my copy. BUT, I had planned on revamping the site anyway, and have already designed it. So why is the site still messed up?

Laziness.

The other site I’ve been working on is hubby’s. Chef Sizzle is his chef website. Granted, he has left chef-dom for the Navy, he is still proud of his previous career (as he should be) and wants to show it off. And he can’t turn off all that knowledge and still likes to review new dining places we find. So that can be his little side thing. But I need to finish it. Especially when he does things like tell the Chief Petty Officer at a special luncheon celebration all about his site. <sigh> No, it’s not completed. Why?

Laziness.

Well, that stops. Over the next few days, I will become less lazy. I will work on the two sites and make them better. I will put together my goals and to-do lists and begin methodically crossing off items. You’ll see. No more procrastination around here.

But I’ll start later.

My birthday was yesterday. I was too busy/sleepy to visit and post, so I apologize for not being timely. Not to mention, this has been a strange birthday. At least for me.

I usually associate birthday wierdness with specific years…

• 18 – adult
• 21 – drinking
• 30 – so long youth
• 40 – insert wierdness
• 50 – etc.
• 60 – etc.

So imagine my confusion when, at 42, I appear to be having a mid-life crisis, albeit a “light” version. Shouldn’t I have had this at 40? Or waited until 50? What’s so magical about 42? There are, of course, the anxious thoughts of “What have I done with my life?” or “Why didn’t I ever…?” But this is different.

I call it a “light” version because it’s not like I want a $150,000 car or to run away with a cabana boy or the circus. I just want a new tattoo, and/or to pierce my nose, and/or to put a few little dreadlocks in my hair and change the color. Nothing major or earth shattering, but I can’t take my mind off it.

Luckily, I work in a creative profession where I “could” do these things as long as I keep them tasteful. But I’ve always been the girl who is safe. I never acted out when I was younger (which is probably why I want to now.) And hubby has all but forbidden me to get my nose pierced, so that’s the one I really want to do. He feels it’s unprofessional.

I don’t know. I keep thinking, “I’m 42. Too old to do these things. Need to act mature and grown up and “proper” (whatever that is). I’m not in my 20’s anymore. Act my age.” But who’s to say you can’t do these things at 42? Am I too old? Age is only a number after all. And some days I don’t feel my age. Most days I don’t. I often feel 25. I sometimes feel 80. But I’m not dead. And I like to think I’m still a little cool, though it may be in a geeky way. So why not have a little fun? It doesn’t hurt anyone. And all of the things I want to do are reversable if needed (the tattoo would be a little painful to remove, but still).

So, here I am. Still feeling like I did when I was a kid. And will probably ignore my wants as usual. But, hey! at least everyone else will be happy. Right?

I am in the process of change around here. It is a new year and hopefully a new me will come forth. (Though the old me isn’t so bad. Just a few little adjustments here and there.)

Obvious change – I upgraded my WordPress. And unfortunately lost my design. I had to revert to the old one. But this is okay. I have a brand new design waiting in the wings. It will be up soon.

I will also be working more on Sailor Hubby’s “Chef” site. He still wants to have it up. So I guess I will be updating it soon as well.

And last (for this post), but certainly not least, I am taking a more hands on interest in my health and well being. I have started dieting and exercising. Back on December 3rd I told you about DCUrbanDad’s Fitness Challenge. And I sucked. I didn’t post anything. Sorry. But I have lost about 15 pounds since just before Thanksgiving. I also didn’t win the challenge, but I did win a slightly healthier me. I upped my exercise to 30 minutes, 3-4 times per week. I now eat 2 pieces of fresh fruit per day and a salad at both lunch and dinner. I have mostly cut out sweets (but since Christmas, when I received A TON of sweets [thanks Dad] I’ve been eating more than I should). I’ve noticed my clothes fitting looser and a decline in the huffing and puffing when exerting myself. So those are good things.

And I also earned a Fitness Challenge booby prize. Enjoy it with me, won’t you? Thanks Matt! and congratulations SeriouslyMama! I look forward to the next Challenge.

bighairynotwinners